Thursday, December 11, 2008

BTW! worst day ever

i can't believe what has happened. it the worst thing ever. i know some of you have bad things happen. your moving box stops moving. you can't move anymore. you get scary things. sometimes your mouth hurts and you can't eat. or maybe your awesome manly cat is gone. but whatever is bad for you. it is not as bad as this.

i have been violated. destroyed. sleep mom did it. she and food mom put me back in the horribly unmanly box which is a girl color. food mom says it is pink. i hate that color. pink. i hate that box. i hate food mom. and sleep mom. mostly the ladies at the cold place.

sleep mom took me in the moving box. food mom says to call it driving. food mom is dumb and i hate her so i will ignore her. until i need scratching. which is now. brb.

so i was taken in to the cold place and left there. yes. left. sleep mom left me there. and then it was awful. i was held down and made to be sleeping. which is awesome. but when i woke up. i was not as awesome as i used to be. i was defaced. ruined. chopped into pieces. my amazing manliness was gone.

it is still gone. 2 days later. i have no hair on half of me and an awful horrible plastic bowl on my head. it is the worst collar ever. i will never complain about my black one. or the white one. this one is the worst. it keeps me from cleaning or scratching. especially my hairless tummy, which is totally itchy.

btw, since i got home, they have putting me in the cold, loud room. i hate it. and my nose is white. and i have been peeing funny dark colors.

oh. my moms seem to be worried. they are sitting by me and petting and rubbing me. i like this. i am not so mad i guess.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

BTW! bad day

so i had a very bad day last week. i know. i know. that was a very long time ago. but it still is in my head. it was that awful and bad and ungood.

i woke up and went to say hi to my moms. and i was thrown into the room where the loud creature lives. and then i was let out. and sleep mom put me in an extremely unmanly box. it was a girl color. and small. and i hated it. i let her know all of my hate too. she got it.

then she put me in the moving box and we were in it for a very long time. i was so so so mad. but mostly quiet. because i try not to yell nowadays. we got to this place that was cold and there were other animals. there was a dog and it kept trying to play. but i was in my unmanly box, so i ignored him.

then. oh. then. i went into a room with sleep mom. btw, she does not let me sleep with her so much anymore. i am sad. so we went in and they let me out of the untough box. i was happy, but then they held me down and stabbed me. stabbed me! little sharp things in me and i was unhappy. so i yelled and yelled. and then i had to go back into the unawesome box and then back into the moving box. and we were in the moving box for such a long time.

i had a lot to say at that time. sleep mom got an earful of complaints. i bet she'll think twice. or three times. before she tries any of that again.


Saturday, November 29, 2008

BTW! new moms

yes. new ones. more than one. one day, i realized i had not smelled sneeze mom in a long time. i quick run to her door and i can see that sleep mom have moved into that room. and a new person has been seen (by me) going into that room. another mom. she does not like me.

i am trying to convince that i am awesome. i see her and run over to say hi and be cute and she just tosses me outside. i have been going outside a lot since she moved in. which is way cool and totally what i want, but i do like being inside sometimes. i'm thrown out a lot though... especially when i just want some pettings.

food mom has been petting me a lot recently. i am super liking this. also, she stacked me a pile of soft blankets in the room with the loud box. it's in front of a window that all the time shows fire. and it is very warm. i love it. i sleep by it. it is mine.

so there is antimanly mom now. who is totally not liking me. which is sad. and there is also happy mom. she is full of happiness. it comes out of her all the time. and really loudly. you can't miss it.

she comes into the box room every day and sits down in front of the fire window and takes it. and then i come over to tell her to move and she gets girly happiness all over me. so i hide under the table.

the window is currently not occupied so i am going to sit in front of it.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

BTW! mounds

hi. i was outside all day. i feel super awesome. i ignored the moms when they called me. real men ignore their women folk. i heard that in the outside. outside is a big learning place. oh. food mom says to call it a school. now she says outside is not a school. i told her to not read over my shoulder.


she sprayed me with the wet bottle. i am angry. she made me jump all over the place. i hate that bottle gr. hate.

anyway. a long time ago--like 2 weeks--clean mom was not so clean. her room had these huge mounds all over the floor. they were soft and smelled like her and i loved it. i got to climb on them and in them and sleep all over them.

clothes, food mom says. the mounds were clothes. i don't like her reading over my shoulder. she says outside makes me naughty and she wants to make sure i am not naughty. she thinks i will say mean things. food mom is dumb sometimes.

i hate it when she sprays me. hate.

clean mom is rolling over in sleep. i will go see her now.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

BTW! bags

i love bags. omg. i love them. when i see a bag i have to run over as fast as cattily possible and investigate. i stick my nose in it. and see where it has been. usually they have been outside, which is pleasing. and i am always so excited, i stick my whole head in. sometimes i get stuck. other times, i just jump in and hang out.

but sleep mom has been mad at me lately about bags. she shouts at me and claps her hands in the air and it makes loud noises and i hate it and i run away from her. i am full of unhappy feelings for those clapping motions. and the hissing sound she makes. but she is mad because of something she calls piddling, and i call marking my turf. which is most bags.

last night she totally threw me off of a bag mid-mark and right towards food mom, and looked very angry. i was upset. i hid under the light box. i was pursued there. it was very scary. but now, i am angry at them for yelling and throwing me. i will go tell them of my anger.


i am back. i expressed myself all over the house as vocally as i could. and they ignored me. so i will go hide around some corners. they cannot ignore me when i am on their feet eating them.

btw, food moms feet are blue today. i am concerned.

BTW! standing

on occasion, i have to sit on my back legs to see on the top of tall things. sometimes i try to see on the top of my moms' heads. i often do not do well there.

and much very less often, i stand on my back feet. yeah. like moms' do. and the other day i was trying to look out the window in clean moms room, and i stood on my feet because it is very high, and clean mom started laughing at me. i have noticed she laughs at me a lot. she does not respect me.

i do not like being laughed at because i feel much less tough than i am.

so i do extra awesome things to improve her image of me. like in the early morning, i go to check on her and her door is closed. i open it for her so she does not have to. and when i get inside and she does not move, i am worried that she has died in her sleep so i holler at her and then she pulls me onto the bed. i am so glad she is not dead that i tell her how much i love her not dead face. she does not like that though.

which leads me to believe clean mom does not respect me or love me.

although, she must love me more than food mom. all she does is yell at me for getting on the counters and ignores my talking.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

BTW! beds

hi. i have been way busy being awesome. sometimes i forget i have this. and moms are not always letting me use their computers.

but recently sleep mom has not been so letting me in her room. i have been very vocal about that and it paid off. clean mom let me in her room now. it is so awesome. it is good to be reminded that i am the man of this house.

so clean moms bed is super soft and when i step on it, it sinks under my muscle. but sometimes it eats me. it's really bad and things that are unfun but not scary. do not call it scary. anyway.

i like to hide under her bed and hunt her feet or things that hang off of the bed. but sometimes nothing comes by, but it is very clear that they are on the top of the bed. and since i am in the very back of the under the bed, i decide to not go out the low way. i jump up. there is a space between the bed and the wall and it is pretty perfect for jumping. and it makes clean mom jump and she is scared. i love it with a lot of feeling.

but sometimes, it does not work. i get up, but do not stay up. i can't find a grabbing place and go back down. then clean mom laughs very much and i am bitter.

i feel bitter now. and sleep mom is calling me emo. i am not sure what it is, but after a stern talk to her a while back about my manliness, i am sure it is extremely manly. and tough. i feel so emo.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

BTW! outside

back when i was very young and did not live here with my moms i lived outside. since i came here i have not been outside much. moms don't let me out. first they thought i would run away but i proved them wrong the first time i snuck out. i came back. they understood. i know they did. but i still am not allowed outside.

food mom says it is because of flees. oh. fleas. there is an a. which is stupid. she says fleas get on me when i go out there. i am not so shure. but i am not so shure or what fleas are. mom says that they are small and black and they bite my skin. i think i understand now. i hate those things. they are outside? i am unhappy about this. who takes care of the outside? they should not let fleas be there.

recently food mom has been holding me down and putting very stinky drippy stuff on my back where i cannot clean. it is very annoying. she says it is to keep fleas away but i am still itching. she says i cannot go outside anymore unless she can find a way to keep the fleas off of me. i don't like fleas. a lot. they make me itch and hurt and they keep me from going outside.

that is reminding me of the new scary thing sleep mom got. it is a can of loud. it sits by the door to outside and if i get too close to the door while it is open, one of my moms will grab the loud and let it out. at me. it hisses at me and i can feel it's angry very cold breath. i am not accepting of this can of loud. it needs to go away.

i think my moms are getting up so i need to get their attentions.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

BTW! flying thing

ahhhh! there is a new thing in my house.

so i killed the feather a long time ago. i tore it apart. and it was gone. dead. i won. and it was delicious as i knew it would be. and after i beat it. a new challenger came. it is still here. it has a million legs or arms or tails. or all of those things. and they are curly and colorful. and they are weird. they flying around my house. they are like the tails balloons have. i think they maybe be the same thing.

but this is not the new thing i am thinking of. no. not at all. this new thing is very new. food mom brought it home tonight. i saw it and knew it was going to be very good at fighting me and i instantly attacked. mom was mad at me. i think i clawed her leg. she shut me in the bathroom and when i came out the thing was right there. i think she shut me in to let it out of its box. i hate being shut in places. but i am not shut in often.

i have been fighting the thing since it was put up. a very long time. an hour food mom says. i will go fight it some more.